This is the ballad of Slippery Reese,

who was born all covered in grease.

It softened his flesh and his bones turned to dough,

so he could squeeze into crevice or crease.

He had a peculiar trick where he made himself slick

and slid under windows and doors.

He would flatten right down to the girth of a pound

and flap his flat limbs on the floor.

Despite this incredible gift,

it was a matter of ‘when’ and not ‘if’

Reese would turn his attention to crime,

but The Flat Bandit was captured with nary a fuss,

cause the police tracked the trail of slime.

A jury decreed he should hang for his deeds,

for they could not have a freak such as he loose.

Eventually though, they just let him go,

‘cause his neck wouldn’t stay in the noose.