Nov 7 2014

[Review] – Exists (2014)

Directed by: Eduardo Sanchez

Starring: Samuel Davis, Dora Madison Burge, Roger Edwards

A group of thrill-seeking pricks are hunted by a big smelly monkey in this derivative plop from the director of The Blair Witch Project.

You’d be correct to say that the ‘found footage’ genre has seen a rise in popularity in the fifteen years since The Blair Witch Project first terrified the world, and pioneering director Eduardo Sanchez has attempted to best his low budget hit a few times in the years since.

He’s had a go at aliens in the largely-ignored-but-serviceable ‘Altered’, psychological spookery in ‘Lovely Molly’ and even zombies in VHS 2’s segment ‘A Ride in the Park’, but they have all struggled to match the impact originality of his first tale of woodland witchery. Continue reading →

Oct 29 2014

[Review] – Annabelle (2014)

Directed by: John R. Leonetti

Starring: Annabelle Wallis, Ward Horton

An ugly demonic doll terrorises a squeaky clean American couple in this poorly executed, soulless cash-in.

Before I get started on why this film is terrible, i just want to clarify my stance on spooky dolls. They scare the piss out of me. Dolls are inherently frightening – that much is certain – but if you’re going to focus the plot of an entire movie around one, there needs to be more beneath the surface.

Annabelle is the hotly anticipated feature film starring that hideous haunted doll from the opening scene of The Conjuring. Unfortunately it takes no cues from it’s polished yet unnerving predecessor, and we seem to have ended up with a dull, by-the-numbers shocker that, despite it’s subject matter, lacks any discernible soul. Continue reading →

Jan 9 2014

[Review] – The Colony (2013)

Directed By: Jeff Renfroe

Starring: Laurence Fishburne, Kevin Zegers, Bill Paxton

One day, it started to snow, and it never stopped.

Conspiracy theorists love to H.A.A.R.P on (look it up) about weather manipulation, claiming that the government are controlling weather patterns for their own nefarious ends. But what if they’re right, and it all goes a bit tits up?

The Colony posits a future where vast weather machines have a bit of a malfunction, causing it to start snowing and never stop. This is obviously a bit of a problem, and humanity’s last desperate survivors huddle in facilities beneath the earth. Food is scarce, warmth is a commodity and tensions are high, but when a distress call is received from another colony, it’s up to Briggs (Laurence Fishburne) and his colleagues to venture into the snowy apocalypse to find answers. Continue reading →

Dec 27 2013

[Review] – Big Ass Spider! (2013)

Directed By: Mike Mendez

Starring: Greg Grunberg Clare Kramer, Ray Wise, Lombardo Boyar

I remember when B-movies were silly, energetic and entertaining. Instead, modern B-movies concern themselves with a laugh-out-loud ‘concept’, instead of laugh-out-loud content. There are so many Mega Sharks, Ghost Sharks and I don’t know, fucking Ninja Sharks flying around these days that it’s often hard to tell what’s worth your time. Big Ass Spider! could have easily gone the same way, but it manages to steer completely clear of mediocrity, emerging triumphantly somewhere in the middle of greatness.

Heroes alumni Greg Grunberg stars as a blue-collar exterminator, who steps bravely into battle when an enormous genetically-engineered arachnid stomps across town. Teaming up with Latino hospital security guard Jose and the tough-as-nails Major Braxton (played by the always entertaining b-movie mainstay Ray Wise), he must use all his knowledge of the creature to bring it down, save the day and kiss the girl. Continue reading →

Dec 19 2013

[Review] – Open Grave (2013)

Directed by: Gonzalo Lopez-Gallego

Starring: Sharlto Copley, Joseph Morgan, Thomas Kretschmann, Erin Richards

For a horror-thriller, Open Grave bravely decides to throw high-octane ‘thrills’ out of the window in favour of a slow-burn tale of trust and discovery. This dark, harrowing story sees South African actor Sharlto Copley (District 9, The A-Team, Elysium) regain consciousness in a pit full of rotting corpses, with no idea who he is or how he got there.

Think of Open Grave as ‘The Hangover’ as written by Cormac McCarthy, and you actually wouldn’t be too far off – although Copley’s amnesiac stranger’s ‘night before’ is less about zany misadventures with Mike Tyson and more about the steady discovery of atrocities he may or may not have committed before the sudden memory loss. Continue reading →

Dec 16 2013

[Review] – The Purge (2013)

Director: James DeMonaco

Starring: Ethan Hawke, Lena Headey, Edwin Hodge, Tony Oller

“One night a year, all crime is legal.”

A delicious, socially-satirical premise reminiscent of Paul Verhoeven’s dystopian visions isn’t enough to save this dumb, frustrating thriller from it’s many pitfalls.

Set in the year 2020, The Purge follows the story of a regular, affluent family, who barricade themselves in their home in preparation for one government-sanctioned night that legalises all crimes, known colloquially as ‘the purge’. But when their well-intentioned son raises the shutters to provide shelter for a distressed homeless black man, it attracts the unwanted attention of a gang of crazed vigilantes. Continue reading →

Dec 15 2013

[Review] – The Bay (2013)

Director: Barry Levinson

Starring: Will Rogers, Kristen Connolly, Kether Donahue

“Panic feeds on fear.”

A mysterious parasitic plague engulfs a small town in this found-footage thriller from prolific director Barry Levinson (Sphere, Rain Man, Good Morning Vietnam) and Producers Oren Peli and Jason Blum (Paranormal Activity). More of a disaster film than a horror, The Bay masquerades as a tell-all expose of the ‘truth’ behind mysterious mass deaths at a small town in rural America. Framed by an interview with one of the few survivors, the film documents events through various video mediums, such as Security footage, Dash cams, home videos – even FaceTime. Continue reading →

Dec 10 2013

[Review] – Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013)

Directed By: James Wan

Starring: Patrick Wilson, Leigh Whannell, Rose Byrne, Ty Simpkins

Following on from one of the best horror movies of 2010, Insidious: Chapter 2 picks up right where the first movie left off. Heroic father Josh (Patrick Wilson) is back from the Further after taking on all sorts of horrific entities en route to rescuing his son (Ty Simpkins), but what exactly has the trip cost him? As he begins to act more and more strangely, it becomes clear that something’s not quite right.

The first instalment of this apparent franchise was a nauseating trip into the bizarre, coupling some immensely disturbing imagery (the mannequin-esque family massacre in the Further, for example, or the red faced demon peering out from behind Josh’s head) with a decent enough story to tie it all together. This continuation, however, feels like an altogether different story, replete with age-old retreads of spooky ghost brides, disturbed serial killers and possessions while simultaneously losing all of the creativity behind the scares. Continue reading →

Dec 8 2013

[Review] – Haunter (2013)

Directed By: Vincenzo Natali

Starring: Stephen McHattie, Abigail Breslin, Michelle Noldan

This ‘reverse ghost tale’ from director Vincenzo Natali (Cube, Splice) certainly has some big ideas about the nature of hauntings, but can it transition them to the big screen in a way that’s entertaining and exciting for viewers? The answer is… maybe?

Whether or not you enjoy Haunter depends entirely on how much value you assign things like atmosphere or tension. Even the traditional ‘scares’ take a back seat to allow for this films real focus – the story – to unfold.

At it’s core, Haunter is a unique ghost story told from the perspective of the ghost itself (Abigail Breslin), who is trying to contact the living in order to protect them from being killed by a murderous spirit known as ‘The Pale Man’ (played with smouldering glee by Pontypool‘s Stephen McHattie). Continue reading →

Dec 8 2013

[Review] – Byzantium (2013)

Directed By: Neil Jordan

Starring: Caleb Landry-Jones, Saiorse Ronan, Gemma Arterton

Saiorse Ronan and Gemma Arterton eschew the glitter and capes for this classy romantic horror about a pair of disarmingly attractive vampires living under the radar in modern Britain. Byzantium is the perfect companion to Neil Jordan’s previous directing work on Interview With A Vampire, and casts the bloodthirsty abominations in the same sexy (moon)light as 1994’s Brad Pitt vehicle.

Ronan’s character, Eleanor, is tired of living under the radar and longs to tell her newfound beau Frank (Played by the perpetually ill-looking Caleb Landry-Jones) her story, while Gemma Arterton’s matriarchal Clara fights to protect her ‘sister’ from a mysterious secret society that would rather see them dead. Continue reading →

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