Category Features

Nov 7 2014

[Review] – Exists (2014)

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Directed by: Eduardo Sanchez

Starring: Samuel Davis, Dora Madison Burge, Roger Edwards

A group of thrill-seeking pricks are hunted by a big smelly monkey in this derivative plop from the director of The Blair Witch Project.

You’d be correct to say that the ‘found footage’ genre has seen a rise in popularity in the fifteen years since The Blair Witch Project first terrified the world, and pioneering director Eduardo Sanchez has attempted to best his low budget hit a few times in the years since.

He’s had a go at aliens in the largely-ignored-but-serviceable ‘Altered’, psychological spookery in ‘Lovely Molly’ and even zombies in VHS 2’s segment ‘A Ride in the Park’, but they have all struggled to match the impact originality of his first tale of woodland witchery. Continue reading →

Oct 29 2014

[Review] – Annabelle (2014)

annabelle-posterDirected by: John R. Leonetti

Starring: Annabelle Wallis, Ward Horton

An ugly demonic doll terrorises a squeaky clean American couple in this poorly executed, soulless cash-in.

Before I get started on why this film is terrible, i just want to clarify my stance on spooky dolls. They scare the piss out of me. Dolls are inherently frightening – that much is certain – but if you’re going to focus the plot of an entire movie around one, there needs to be more beneath the surface.

Annabelle is the hotly anticipated feature film starring that hideous haunted doll from the opening scene of The Conjuring. Unfortunately it takes no cues from it’s polished yet unnerving predecessor, and we seem to have ended up with a dull, by-the-numbers shocker that, despite it’s subject matter, lacks any discernible soul. Continue reading →

Jan 9 2014

[Review] – The Colony (2013)

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Directed By: Jeff Renfroe

Starring:  Laurence Fishburne, Kevin Zegers, Bill Paxton

One day, it started to snow, and it never stopped.

Conspiracy theorists love to H.A.A.R.P on (look it up) about weather manipulation, claiming that the government are controlling weather patterns for their own nefarious ends. But what if they’re right, and it all goes a bit tits up?

The Colony posits a future where vast weather machines have a bit of a malfunction, causing it to start snowing and never stop. This is obviously a bit of a problem, and humanity’s last desperate survivors huddle in facilities beneath the earth. Food is scarce, warmth is a commodity and tensions are high, but when a distress call is received from another colony, it’s up to Briggs (Laurence Fishburne) and his colleagues to venture into the snowy apocalypse to find answers. Continue reading →

Dec 27 2013

[Review] – Big Ass Spider! (2013)

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Directed By: Mike Mendez

Starring: Greg Grunberg Clare Kramer, Ray Wise, Lombardo Boyar

I remember when B-movies were silly, energetic and entertaining. Instead, modern B-movies concern themselves with a laugh-out-loud ‘concept’, instead of laugh-out-loud content. There are so many Mega Sharks, Ghost Sharks and I don’t know, fucking Ninja Sharks flying around these days that it’s often hard to tell what’s worth your time. Big Ass Spider! could have easily gone the same way, but it manages to steer completely clear of mediocrity, emerging triumphantly somewhere in the middle of greatness.

Heroes alumni Greg Grunberg stars as a blue-collar exterminator, who steps bravely into battle when an enormous genetically-engineered arachnid stomps across town. Teaming up with Latino hospital security guard Jose and the tough-as-nails Major Braxton (played by the always entertaining b-movie mainstay Ray Wise), he must use all his knowledge of the creature to bring it down, save the day and kiss the girl. Continue reading →